I'm very familiar with my senses and feelings when it comes to a race. How it feels after a long hard run/race and you don't have anything left in the tank. What relief feels like to finally finish and conquer something you've worked hard towards for a long time. Dissapointment, elation, satisfaction. 

What I didn't expect from traveling to Portland was how deep I was going to be in the world. I get a glimmer of it each time I race, looking and listening to what people have to say, what they think is important, what exactly their focus is. I watch the way "good people" treat each other, slipping into moments of harsh words because that person deserved it, but they are still a good person. The judgements rendered at what is good enough, acceptable, and what is inspiring or not.

The people out on the streets were the obvious ones in need of salvation. They wear their sins on their sleeve so to speak. But as I walked through the Marathon expo the Lord was constantly pulling my attention this way and that. It was if I was standing still in a room that was spinning around me as people poured out their minds and money. Any cost for the perfect race day outfit. They talked PR's and goals, cool and not cool, winners and losers, acceptable times and, well, down right unacceptable times.

I know my place in the running world and when it comes to long distance I'm pretty far down the rung on impressive times. No doubt in the back of my mind my time would fall in the not so inspiring category and my worldy flesh was slightly bothered by it. I admit that I talked up a 5 hour time on my weight loss blog and felt pretty sure of myself that I could accomplish it. I hoped the Lord would provide me with the strength to do something amazing time wise.

But he didn't. Those desires in my heart would not have produced a fruitful branch in me. It would have produced an inflated ego, an intimidation factor to my character, no glory for His name. But getting people to understand accepting a "mediocre" time just goes beyond some people's limits.

The morning after the race as I made my way through the airport and posted results on facebook I got a number of responses. Many of them were congratulatory on finishing a Marathon, something only 1% of the population will do in their lifetime. But then there was the lady on the plane who rendered the answer I had been waiting for. The first question she asked me was what time I finished the race in. I responded with 6:54 and she said. "Oh."

She proceeded to go on and on about the high class restaurants she ate at, the art she saw, the funny little people who sell their wares at the open air market. And as I sat there feeling the sting of judgment I wanted to reach over and take hold of her by the shoulders, shaking her saying- That is all meaningless!!!

If that is all you ever invest your very short life in- fancy food, fashion, doing everything you can to be better than the funny little people singing their hearts out to earn 5 measly dollars in a span of an hour, cars, money, the list goes on and on. You know what I see...things that all burn. If that's what you want to invest all your time and effort into then that is all you get.

Psalm 17:14
By your hand save me from such people, LORD, from those of this world whose reward is in this life.

I see way too many Christians caught up in this world thinking they are walking the path of righteousness only to turn away a beggar and continue to stand in line for an hour for donuts. Yes I'm talking about myself.  We go right along with everything this world sees as important, neglecting the bible and never knowing our Savior. Then, we boast about how great heaven will be, don't we see that most people want to believe they're going to heaven? People refuse to believe in Jesus, that all he wants is for us to receive his love and salvation, but they still want to believe they are going to the pearly gates.

John 16:3
They will do such things because they have not known the Father or me.

Oh Lord, you know my frustrations right now. With myself and this world. With the places I lack and the places that lack you. I was knee deep in the world this weekend and there were times I failed miserably to share your love.

We know where this story ends, we know this world and everything in it and on it will pass away. We have to be the example of what is important. With each day we do get it right we take the chance of really shining the light of the Holy Spirit bright and reaching someone who is lost. With each day we keep ourselves away from the world's opinions and trends we stay diciplined and focused on our discipleship.

If I could take one thing away from this weekend it would be to live my life even more contradictory to how I am now. To be more vocal about where my hope comes from. To be less fearful when a beggar approaches me and sit with them when no one else would. To throw away the magazines and programs that tell me I'm too slow, my house isn't the right color, my wardrobe is so circa never in style, and lastly that my body is not right at all.

I am created in the image of God, the One perfect God. You are too. His grace and forgiveness covers us all. Leave this world behind and come learn about the true heaven. It's not here, it's yet to come. There is still time to make a change.

Running a marathon was never a dream of mine. It was never something I aspired to do. You might have your face all scrunched up confused right now. Didn't you just run a marathon? Yes.

In April of this year I wrote THIS post about being called to the Portland area and running the Portland marathon. I responded in obedience to this calling even though every part of my body was refuting. I did everything I could to talk it up to friends and family to try to rise my excitement. To a degree I was excited and eager to see just what the Lord could do with me and my body in an endurace race, but I knew this was going to be tough and painful.

When I dedicated my life to the Lord and his work I really truly meant it and if He was asking me to do this then it was what I was going to do. So on Saturday, October 8th I boarded a plane from Sacramento, CA. and made the short trip to Portland, OR. I was nervous. Toward the end of my flight the Lord gave me the extra assurance I needed by fulfilling something He had told me before hand. I still trust, Lord.

I walked the streets of Portland, after picking up my packet, seeing the unique individuals who make up this city. There is such a need for Jesus on these streets. I was encouraged to see a man standing in the middle of the open market preaching the gospel and members of his church talking to people individually in the crowd. His hands and feet at work.

Sunday morning I gathered in my corral and waited, my stomach flip flopping all over the place. When we started I felt great, but inside I knew that this was going to be my most difficult race to date. I vowed to stay focused on doing the Lord's work and keep my mind positive and open. If I was too focused on how I thought the race should have played out then I would miss every oportunity to share love and support with my fellow runners. I had a couple people approach me to ask about the shirt and I got a lot of pats on the shoulders follwed by, "amen, praise God.". Yes! that is how we do it church we lift each other up and boldy praise the Lord.

People were encouraged by the word of God.

I did alright until mile 14 and then I began to struggle with running. It was cold and wet and my energy was fading. But, in this the Lord taught me about strength. Strength can't always be measured by what we think is our strongest state. I may think I'm at my strongest when I'm running solid and fast, but on Sunday I was at my strongest with every step I took beyond what I thought I couldn't. I was strongest when I pushed the devil and his negative thoughts away from me and clung tight to Jesus and his promises. And when I crossed that finish line with anything barely left in me and then walked another mile or so back to my hotel room then and only then did I really get what kind of strength God is able to give me.

As I layed in bed recovering, I began to think and pray. I hoped that I had done what the Lord had wanted me to do. I know he brought me here by myself to teach me how to rely on Him. That it's okay to be alone because He is always with me. He is the only source of support and strength I need. Through knowing that I receive strength I can encourage others with.

And at the last minute, riding on the shuttle to board my departing flight I met a man. A man who has a fire inside of him.. A man who said that he felt some force drawing him to the Portland Marathon. I shared that I had that same pull, but I knew my force was God calling. We had a wonderful conversation about the spirit inside people and what great things people can do. At the end of the ride he gave me his business card and I gave him a Running for Him card, saying a prayer to go with it. I know this man could be a powerful man of God.

And then I smiled and laughed. Here I am thinking the Portland Marathon was my mission and all along my mission was in a 30 minute shuttle ride to the airport.

Everything within me wanted to quit this marathon. I didn't have to do this marathon, I could have missed my flight and gotten a voucher for another. I could have just skipped picking up my packet, stayed in bed to long, walked back to the hotel before the race started. But if I didn't go then who would? If I hadn't worn the Lord's truths across my back who would have? There would have been an empty seat on that shuttle. What good would giving my life to the Lord be if I don't really mean it? What is my faith without my works?

DEAD.
 
EMPTY. 

MEANINGLESS.

And where would those people be I was sent out to share with?

LOST.

I can't assume someone else will come. I can't take the easy road because it feels much better than the hard road. And as much as I don't want to say it right now, I would run another marathon if God asked me to.

I hope out of all of this I do inspire someone. Not to run a marathon, but to really dedicate their life to the Lord. To take seriously the charge to be a disciple and get out there and do something! To get rid of fear and worldly notions of what is right or wrong and just focus on God. To live by his truths and take hold of them daily. To live life with a fire burning inside you that no one can snuff out, burning so hot it has no where to go but up and out.

My flesh may be weak and tired, but the passion and love for my God is stronger than ever. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Praise be to the One True God.

And all God's people said?